hall of shame
a story
one day i got an e-mail from a company who wanted to pay me a lot of money to direct a commercial for them. they sent me a storyboard of what they wanted me to direct and said so will you do it for a lot of money?

and so i said no thanks i don't want to do commercials and then there was a long pause and then a few days later they sent me this file and it took like an hour to download because it was so big and they said ok how about we just use your style without you being involved? is this far enough away from your style so you won't get upset and sue us?

and i said well no not really that looks exactly like a high school girl tried to draw some of my characters onto her binder. it could maybe still confuse people into thinking i was involved. and so they said well how about we pay you a lot of money to use your style and you won't have to do anything? and i said no thanks. and so then they said well ok how about we change the characters a little bit so it's not your style anymore and so then they sent me this picture and said is this different enough from your style so you won't get upset and sue us?

and i looked at it and said well kinda but it's still really similar in a way since they are jaggedy stick figures with bug eyes but i'm not really sure -- and then before i could finish they said hey our design has taken a new direction what do you think of this file, is that file far enough away from your drawings? we really respect your work and don't want you to be angry that we're copying you because you turned us down. and that file took me another really long time to d/load because it's so big and my email got all clogged again and i looked at that one and said well i guess that's sorta weirdly different i guess but is there really any reason anymore that you have to even use stick figures just because you thought i would be involved at one point? can't you just give them proper limbs and noses and then you can leave me alone?

and then they sent me this picture and they said well what about this one, is this design far enough away from your own style that you wouldn't get upset and sue us? and i looked at it and said, jesus christ i think you're right this time, there is no way anyone could think i drew that miserable piece of shit. congratulations, you've done it!

and then they were happy and they left me alone.

and then a couple months later i got this email from somebody:
>Did you do those god-awful phone ads or is somebody totally ripping you off??

and then i got really angry