i am the lord of illusions says mike judge
it's Mike Judge's Botany Learning Planet Experience!tm
~ An exciting educational whirlwind and monologue series for the whole family! Mike Judge is "hip" to the "street jive" and can "rap" to your kids about botany and sexual education for hours on end. His educational "rap" is motivational and "funky fresh" to the "off the hook" lil' "homies" and "bitches." Mike has a real "green thumb." ORDER NOW for Volume One at a low "introductory price!" Pistels and stamen! Stems and twigs! Leaves and nuts! Plants flying all over the god damn place
mike judge demonstrates the proper methods for inspecting and removing unwanted plant wax from a poorly tended orchid, says mike judge

keeping a clean pot from the inside out is crucial in preventing root rot and fungal meningitis, says mike judge.

i am the harbormaster onto whose shores sail the torment of the unholy and the wicked. it is the lord's burden that i must cast down all ye damned souls who dare look upon the bleeding light of the mountain king. i am a combination of all animals. i must separate weak from strong. on the seventh day the seas shall run red with the blood of the trembling jackal and the body hair will fall from the unclean as my pointed reckoning is unfurled in a three part trilogy. i am immortal. there will be a great jiggling. you will beg for bread but i will only provide the rye kind with the little seeds in it. i am the lord of agony and he is in my shoes and pockets. repent before my raging vengeance grind ye shattered bones into dust, and ye blaspheming soul torn to hemhorraging ribbons, says mike judge.

it's a jungle out there! says mike judge

world champion stunt riding is more than just a pastime, says mike judge, it is my life-time.

with mike judge's new three star cactus brush, dusting these lewd and filthy plants is never a problem. do not touch them because they are filthy

when he's not improving the botany of the world, mike judge confers with politicians on key environmental issues.

and for leisure time, pony rides! ha ha ha ha ha ha plants

don't forget to water regularly and provide plenty of sunshine. as our darkened world grows wearier, and full of dirt. dirty dirt. dirty dirty dirting dirt dirt. don't look at me, says mike judge